Bonding in Marriage and Relationships-making love last
Bonding is perhaps a vital factor for improving and maintaining a relationship but doesn’t happen nearly as much as it probably should. It isn’t so much that it is over looked, or that people don't bother it is simply not known about or is so often the one factor couples know least about. Bonding combines in an unique way the physical and emotional intimacy ,the joining of touch and emotions. Bonding, maybe the factor most often lacking when couples say that "something missing" in their relationship. Often couples who only ever experience their marriage as a battlefield, a matter of convenience or business arrangement are rarely bonded.IT MIGHT BE SAID THAT THESE HAVE LOST INTIMATE EMOTIONAL TOUCH.
Many of us have never and may never experience this with our partners. Many of us are to busy with work and social arrangements and other commitments etc to make the time for this kind of mutual nurturing. It is unfortunate as it can provide a powerful defense against the strains and stresses of day to day life and natural way to ward of depression. Being unable to have one needs met for bonding is often at the center of depression, yet people who suffer depression rarely know this.
It seems that all of us carry around within side our selves a primitive self whose yearning for security and for nurturing is so strong that, when these needs remain unmet, the civilized aspects of ourselves that we show the outer world ceases to function well. Current research findings give us reason to believe that bonding might be a basic biological need like breathing, eating, sleeping etc and needs to be satisfied on a regular term basis or we will develop symptoms. It is our primitive part that loves...needs bonding, which not only soothes and enthralls us but provides a needed sense of comfort, trust, and safety. When our primitive self is content and relaxed, when we feel calm, safe, and connected with our partner, our thinking is no longer colored by panic, rage, doubt, or torment and we are far freer to think clearly and creatively. Bonding maybe the best strategy for reducing the number, intensity, and destructive nature fights. Most of us cant really think about things when we are angry, upset, and often as is the case when we try to deal with a heavy emotional stuff verbally about and being "rational" we often end up saying things we don't mean and later regret, we often treat our partner as the enemy not our lover and spouses. Bonding can often be effective with highly verbal individuals for whom words have become an defense against feelings, a way of talking emotions to death.
So how is bonding achieved..?, what does one do..?
Well to achieve real bonding you probably would need to learn how to by attending a Bonding workshop etc. Most of these types of workshops have a Eastern Spiritual/Religious Basis to them, Tantric being in the main. Books dealing with Tantric Methods of Love making/Bonding are appearing daily on the bookshelf’s. Each particular teacher or writer/therapist have their bonding process that they prefer for dealing with anger/argument/closed hearts and disharmony scenarios but similar amongst them all is limited bonding which can be such simple gestures of warmth and affection such as hugs and kisses, true bonding however is much more than this. It is the total acceptance that the other person is fully there emotionally with you and for you, open to you in body, heart and mind and knowing that your partner has the same trust in you. It is to share yourself fully, mind and heart, with another human being. It is open to confiding in the other and they in you, not repressing denying thoughts or feelings, acceptance of your partner and cherishing our need and your partner's need to be close. In true bonding your defenses are lowered, you become comfortable with your own vulnerability, knowing you are accepted and loved for what you really are, and don't have to pretend to be someone you are not.
You may have wonderful conversation with someone feel a strong connection with them, that is a form of being bonded.(and may be the major factor with elderly couples) It is this combination of confiding with physical closeness that creates the intimacy that lies at the center of love.
Bonding is the heart of intimacy>/b> it encompasses and is more long lasting than passion, lust (though at times these may be present), bonding is a source of "all of body pleasure" that can remains even when sexual capacity is diluted because of aging or ill heath. It's a closeness that fills both a "hunger for touch" and a need to feel secure in the world, to feel that you can trust another person with "everything you are" your total self, all your laughter, your tears, hopes, fears. It perhaps feels like to many a returning to the womb. It is a combining of closeness, warmth, safety, support, comfort, leasure, and contentment, the joyous experience, (sometimes only very temporarily), of being "one" with another. Heart speaks to heart, mind speaks to mind, skin speaks to skin, soul speaks to soul. Couples who learn to bond are well on the way to maintaining their love long term..
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