Change your Marriage by changing yourself to save your marriage
From the moment we marry we begin to fall into patterns and rituals of interactions ("ritualized interactions") with our relationship partner as they do likewise with us.. It's not that we deliberately plan for this to happen but rather that we bring with us a 'baggage' and not realizing how this is made up of powerful psychological forces that seem to compel us to act in certain ways. These forces comes from our family of origin, our past and life experience and from previous relationships
We usually do not notice just how predictable, ritualized and habituated we've become in our relationships, how much of the time we are responding or reacting with seemingly "automatic" behaviors. The irony is that a marriage is hard to change if we do not know what it is that needs changing or even that in some potion we are part of the problem. If we remain unaware of what works and what doesn’t in a relationship it is only a matter of time before the marriage will become stuck
As long as our relationship working reasonably well we don't give much (if any at all) thought about change.
Then trouble strikes....misunderstanding ,misperceptions, hurt anger and pain over expectations not being met ,arguments, doubts, issues of fidelity and the like and we are likely respond with our "automatic" way of doing business and wonder why matters stay the same or get worse. Then we decide that change is needed and then in the time honored way set out attempting to change or fix our partner or worse yet wait it out hoping they will change . Of course this rarely if ever happens and we will probably die waiting..
How To Save your Marriage-change yourself first
And yet for our part we will continue to do "what is not working in our marriage and (insanely) hoping for a different result", hoping that change will magically take place. We fail to notice or we will deny or downplay that whatever it is that is not working in our relationship we play any part we play in it...we will try to do our typical "more of the same" and wonder why matters do not get resolved and decide that nothing is changing or indeed can be changed. Yet it is here , that by being observant, being aware,and identifying what part we play in any relationship problems that we have lies the power to change things and have the marriage or relationship that we want or one where we can be reasonably happy and content..not perfect,for no relationship is...but happy and content
Saving your Marriage starts with you
The biggest obstacle blocking the path to changing you marriage is the belief that it must be your partner who needs to change(our inner resistance) and must change first before a relationship can be improved But first and fore most we must decide to change our part and cease being part of the problem and none of the solution .If we want a good marriage then we must act .We must "action" it.
Is Changing simple?...yes changing the way we respond is simple though not necessarily easy...how we respond or more accurately how we react is through habit and bad habits can be changed with discipline and goal setting... .
Somebody has to take a very firm stand to get things changing and someone needs to go first,there is no room for playing "after you kind sir"..."no after you my dear alphonse"....YOU must take the first step and go through the doorway..
Many will need help from a marriage therapist or counselor in identifying unproductive behaviors ,patterns and habits but there are steps we can take on our own and probably the most important one is admitting that if we do not change our part in any reoccurring relationship problems then the marriage is probably destined for the scrap heap.