(At Saveyourmarriage-now.com / Formerly Royce's Relationship Resource)
"Let us resolve to be masters, not the victims, of our history, controlling our own destiny without giving way to blind suspicions and emotions."
(John F Kennedy)
The very first and most crucial thing that you need to do upon arriving at this website is to get your own copy of
The Marriage Saving book
It only takes one to get the ball rollingSaving your marriage on your own ©(Royce C Adams)
This will get you started applying the powerful principles contained within the book, you can start getting proven results immediately and cease doing any further damage you might be doing and give you a much needed sense of control over much of what is happening... The book combined with Solution Focused principles of Coaching/Counseling (see article below) is the overall modality used for what we achieve on our save your marriage website and forum Royce's Relationship Resource(saveyourmarriage-now.com)
My methods give you the absolutely very best chance of turning things around for yourself and that of course is what you want.
You will have a clear and concrete path, (and it is absolutely vital that you do), you cannot "save a marriage" just by the use of "tactics alone”. Yes it's true,tactics like the use of jealousy will get a partners attention momentarily but this will not sustain a real long term and viable reconciliation, more is needed.
You will have straight forward and confident guidance all along the way,which you must have if you don't have a clue of what lies ahead.
You will to know in advance the likely pitfalls and traps and how to avoid them... you will have far less chance of doing anything that really ruins yours chances of getting things turned around..
You will shake off much of the feelings of hopelessness and despair, this is very much needed because you cannot get a relationship working again unless you believe and have the expectancy to succeed.
You will to be inspired with hope, it is another must. You won't achieve much without it...
You will know that you are doing the right thing and have a sense of self mastery which will see you through the times of self doubt and insecurity that can ( and often do) creep up on you out of the blue. You will have the knowledge you need.. You will have the means, the know how, the skills for saving your relationship on your own.
You of course must bring to the willingness(and persistence) to faithfully apply the absolutely essential and powerful marriage saving principles in the book along with some real patience, your will and determination to succeed and the willingness to change how you have gone about your relating in the past, a willingness to get brutally honest with yourself is also needed (This book is not for you if you want to lie to and fool yourself about what it will take to save your relationship.. nor is it for you if you want to live in denial about yourself (and your partners perception of you). If you are not prepared to do these things then no book, no matter how good is going to help you...
SAVING A MARRIAGE IS NOT A PASSIVE PROCESS...
****Please be aware that if you decide not to obtain the information that you need then any reconciliation that you effect by "accident" or "fall into" will not be a viable long situation... Believe me when i tell you this, if you do your relating in the same old manner as you have done in the past (the same old same old, to get the same old same old) any reconciliation or indeed a new relationship you are in, you will be right back at square one before you know it doing the same old things blindly that don't work and none or little of the the things that make your relationship tick over smoothly. It is only a matter of time... ****
After you have downloaded my book you will most likely be anxious to get proactive straight away, (and it is absolutely vital that you get do get a damage limitation plan in place), with this in mind you will find at the rear of the book the Mega list of
that you can begin applying before you sit down to the read the book in detail to fully understand all the concepts and how you apply them to get what you really want over the longer term.......
In my book I comprehensively cover more ground than do other “Save your Marriage” books you will find on the Net and I asks you only to pay a fair and reasonable price for it. My book gives you crucial advice and powerfully important techniques and concepts that really work for getting your relationship back on track, in addition there is also many "how to" articles here on the website that further reinforce the principles. You can also see on the message board the postings of many people in similar situations as yourself, you will know that you are not alone in your situation. You can read about how other people are utilizing the techniques and methods from the book.
What posters say here in their posts is REAL AND UNSOLICTED ---- there are no phony testimonials written by the author.... you can find out "what is working for them" and what is not... and of course you too can join the BB if you want and post and become part of our caring compassionate and supportive community...
Ok enough of all that, by now I would think that you are really ready to get started on Saving your Marriage and Stopping your Divorce, click on the link below to buy the book you really must have if you are serious about turning things around
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A Short Brief history....
Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT) / Solution Focused Coaching- Counseling /Solution Orientated Counseling (SFC/SOC) are short-term goal-focused therapeutical approaches to help clients change by formulation of solutions as opposed to fixating and focusing on problems. Often elements of a desirable solution are already present in the client's life, and become the basis for ongoing change. The ability to "see" and express what changes are desired, what they will look like (visualization) with the lessening or eradication of "problems", is more often more important than understanding what led to the problem or any so called "insight".
This approach was origianally developed by Steve de Shazer and Insoo Kim Berg and their colleagues at the Brief Family Therapy Center in Milwaukee and many others since and world-wide have contributed and added to the developement and understanding of this exciting therapuetic modality
SFBT is based on the idea that, if our aim is to help clients change, we ought to use things related to how change happens rather than concentrating on how the problems developed. Understanding the details and 'cause' or “ why” of the problem is often not necessary to finding a solution. The important issues are how does the client want things to be different and what will it take to make it happen. Envisioning a clear and detailed picture of how things will be when things are better creates hope and expectation and makes solution possible. SFBT focuses on the future (and how it will be better when things change) and majors on the establishing and elaboration of clear goals. Goals direct the therapy process and help it remain focused and brief (if we don't know where we're going, we don't know when we've got there! we need a map.). SFBT also focuses on client strengths and resources, as a way of helping clients recognize how to use their resources to bring about changes.
The Relationship Resource model of therapy combines a number of different modalities, from Solution Focused Hypnotherapy through to Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies but strongly stresses the need for the model used to be solution focused and brief as possible.
"Brief Therapy --- An empathetic, supportive intervention directed toward specific goals"
What is Brief Therapy?
The definition of Brief Therapy can be stated as: "The planned use of specific concepts and principles in a focused, purposeful way" (Wells, Casebook of the Brief Psychotherapies, l993). Brief Therapy and Solution orientated (or focused) counseling defines problems as temporary and changeable. The causes of the problems are complex and uncertain; therefore, the focus is on what to do to change the situation in the present and the future. The focus of Brief Therapy is on the client's strengths and the possibilities for change. Therapy is solution oriented and there is conscious and conscientious use of time.
"Brief Therapy--A focus on solving current problems, not endlessly exploring one's childhood, feelings or why things happen"
How does Brief Therapy work?
The client and the therapist/counselor work together, the problem is defined and several measurable goals and objectives are designed to resolve the problem. These goals are the focus of the treatment and are reviewed frequently. Together, the client and the therapist will determine what the desired outcome will look like. In this way, the counselor and the client will know when the therapy is complete. Although past events may be reviewed to put the current difficulties into context, the emphasis is on the present and future, not on past events. There is a conscious and conscientious use of time and a frequent review of progress. Ineffective interventions are discarded. ("If is not working then do something different") The therapist is actively involved in the therapy sessions, not passive. There is recognition that human change is inevitable and an emphasis on client strengths and resources.If change is to occur then it is held that the client should be the one to say how this change will unfold and how it should look.
How long is "brief"?
In contrast to "long-term" therapy the focus of SB/SO counseling is on definite, measurable, short-term goals. The length of treatment is dependent upon the client's achievement of these goals. The philosophy of Brief Therapy is to not spend great amounts of time in therapy. New solutions are targeted if previous solutions are found to be ineffective.
How does Brief Therapy differ from traditional kinds of therapy?
The therapist in traditional therapy is often seen as an 'expert', possessing a knowledge and can provide "insight" of the client's problem that the client needs to obtain. In Solution Focused Coaching Counseling, the counselor and client work together to (understand and) solve the problem. Both the client and counselor have particular areas of expertise and strengths. In traditional therapy, the client is often seen as having ongoing difficulties as a result of past events and in need of “"fixing"”. In Brief Soltion Focused Therapy, the client is viewed as having been influenced by the events but not determined by them. Just as the client may have deficits resulting from their past, they also have strengths and resources that are emphasized and utilized in the present moment. Traditional therapy tends to focus on the past and on the problem at hand(either individual or relational, whereas Brief Therapy focuses on the present/future,NOW and is solution-oriented.
The main focus is strongly on the present and future, as opposed to the past. Traditional psychotherapy and counseling has tended to focus on the past and looks for "why" a problem exists. In contrast, Solution focused or solution orientated Brief Therapy is much more concerned in finding solution to problems, Some Brief Therapy experts would go so far as to say they don't even need to know what the past problems were to help the client. This view may be the more extreme or overzealous but it does illustrate that this therapeutic school is firmly cast in the present with an eye toward changing the future.
"Brief Therapy--Teaches the client how to cope skillfully with problems of life that all people face"
Isn't Solution-focused therapy simplistic?
Some proponents can be overzealous in my opinion and that can lead to the charge that SB is simplistic...this over zealousness can leave people (clients) a little leery and not quite clear in their understanding of what SB can achieve...This is not a fault of the model itself of course but the manner sometimes in which it is presented. Often a client forms the belief that change comes "easy" and overnight, (especially in the field of relationship counseling), Of course when it sometimes doesn't come so quickly or as easily as a client might have wished it might, the client can be left feeling they have failed. SB therapy does offer a quick focused way forward and has a solid underpinning that comes from ongoing examination of "what do clients and therapists do that works but it is not a "quick fix", magic or a cure all.
Does Brief Therapy actually work?
Research shows that many differing models of counseling and therapy "work" and arguments about which is better than the others are fairly pointless. A belief in the model be used is as important as any other aspect of the model. However it must be said that there is evidence that Solution-focused Brief Therapy and counseling is very effective.
A number of follow-up studies conducted at the Milwaukee Brief Family Therapy Center and the "home" of SFBT, reported success rates - clients reporting at one-year follow-up that the problem that took them to counseling was resolved or significantly better - of 70% and above. Interestingly, in a number of such studies, there is no difference in success rates when different problem types or diagnoses were examined separately.
More recent and rigorous studies support the effectiveness of the SBFT approach. A recent paper reviewed 15 controlled studies of Solution-focused Brief Therapy which employed "objective" measures of outcome and concluded that 13 of these showed the approach achieved successful client outcomes.
what is expected of the client?
As a client, it is extremely helpful for you to believe that change is possible. Not everyone who appears in therapy is a candidate for change. As a client, you will be expected to be able to acknowledge that you have a problem and express a real willingness to work on it. You should see yourself as being part of a solution. Solution orientated counselors can guide you in finding the tools you need to resolve your problems.
what should be expected from a SB or SO counselor?
It is your counselors job to help define and clarify objectives and to put them, if possible, in attainable form. Together, the client and therapist will first define the problem and then determine goals that include a description of how a positive outcome would look like. The client will also define the objectives that will help them work toward achieving the goal.
The brief therapy solution-focused approach can be summed up in three stages:
Find out what you (the client) wants. This is the all important Goal.
Determine what is currently working for you and do more of that. Build upon strengths.
Do something different if something is not working. Do less of what doesn't work.
The simplicity of the above stages in no way weakens their effectiveness.
Lets take the simple task of finding out what the client wants to achieve from counseling. The majority people go into counseling/therapy knowing very well what it is that they don't want, they know what has been troubling them, they know how frustrated they are by their problems. In the solution-focused model, our goal is to help the client find out what they do want. Identifying their goal (or goals) is perhaps the single most important thing the client will do in the Solution Focused counseling sessions. In effect, the goals that those seeking counseling articulate will guide them through the rest of the sessions, and they will be the mark against which they will measure success.
In the second, the emphasis is on finding out what parts of your life are working just fine. That is to say we don't want to be trying to "fix what aint broken". Solution Focused brief therapist and counselors are strong believers in the "if it ain't broke don't fix it" philosophy. When we find out what parts of the clients life they are happy with, we can use them as a strong foundation upon which can be built improved lifestyle. In contrast traditional therapy the focus is on diagnosing what is wrong with you (or a partner if you are in couple counseling) what is not working for the client. Looking for "why". In Brief Therapy the client presents their problems, but will solve them by using the strengths that they already have.
The last stage is "Do something different. This is when a realization is made that an approach is not working effectively and to keep doing the same old thing to get the same old result is just going round in circles. Everyone has an almost infinite capacity for finding creative solutions although they may not recognize it. We won't waste time on any approach that's not working for the client. Since this time frame is measured in weeks and months we want to find a solution that works in the shortest time possible. This is particularly true when SBT/SOC is applied to marital/relationship counseling where the relationship is fading rapidly. SBT emphasizes that the client is the expert on their situation and about themselves.... the client is charge of their own therapy and will decide when they have reached the goals they set for themselves. SBT/SO Counselors will listen to what the client has to say, and together they will develop goals and work collaboratively to find solutionsThe often rapid results of solution focused counseling and therapy has contributed to its popularity with consumers who as you would expect want to spend as little time and money as possible getting in control of their lives..